I’m not going to name you. You know who you are. It doesn’t matter any way. While this is written To you, it is not For you. It’s for me. This is the last thing I’m going to say to you.
Cause I’m done.
Done thinking about you, cause I still do, every day. Done being upset about you, done being hurt by you, done being angry at you. I’m done being bitter about you, though that’s going to be a hard one to let go of. Because I am all of those things. And I’m tired of it. I’m tired of the emotional low swing every time you pop into my head, every time something happens that I want to tell you about. I’m done letting thoughts of you pervade my mind.
I am evicting you from my head.
But in order to do that, I have some things I need to say. And no, I don’t need a response from you. In fact, I don’t want one. The time when your words would have meant something to me has long past. Your actions, (or in this case, lack of action), has spoken so loudly for you that anything you might have to say has lost its’ value. Too little, too late.
I am disappointed in you. I’m disappointed in the choices you’ve made, in the path you’ve chosen to get to where you want to go. And yet, I don’t judge you for it. Lord knows I’ve made bad decisions and taken the wrong road. I’m in no place to point fingers. But maybe I thought too highly of you, because I never would have thought you would have done things the way you did. And I’ve realized, you’re not the person I thought you were.
And yet still I loved you. Of course I did. I would have been, and wanted to be, there for you. Because that’s what best friends do right? Be there for each other always, even when we might not agree with what the other is doing. Kindred souls don’t abandon each other.
But we’re not best friends are we? Because how could you drop a best friend the way you did? How could you just let go, like it didn’t even matter? Like I didn’t even matter.
You made me feel worthless and that our friendship was worthless. That I meant nothing to you, that my son meant nothing to you. You were supposed to be his godmother for goodness sakes! He was supposed to know you and love you as family. Right now he wouldn’t even recognize your face. I can’t express just how sad that makes me so I am not going to try. Just know that my heart hurts over this, not just for me, but for him.
We did this dance one before. For various bullshit reasons we both let ourselves wall away from each other and it was me, lashing out in hurt that broke open the door and allowed the words to start flowing again that let us repair the bonds of our friendship that we had let fray. We swore we wouldn’t let it happen again. That we’d always talk, always be there for each other. Never let too much time go by without connecting.
And I tried. You can’t say I didn’t. But you dropped me like I was a bad habit you were just so ready to be done with. Like you made the decision that I was part of your past but was not going to be part of your future and then didn’t even have the balls to tell me.
This isn’t on me. This is on you. What did you think? That’d I’d always just be waiting, like a happy puppy, for my friend to remember that I exist? To grace me with her presence? You made it quite clear in the last message I had from you that you didn’t have time for me in your life. Like I was asking for the world. That was like saying how dare I bother you with my friendship and care and how dare I ask for your friendship and care in return. Did you think I have no self esteem or respect for myself that I would just keep hanging on after you shit all over every attempt I made to maintain our friendship? Obviously we have very different definitions of what ‘best friend’ means. You know those memes that say something like, “A best friend is one who you can not talk to for years and then when you do it’s like you just pick up right where you left off,” or some crap like that? No. That is not best friends. That is vague acquaintances and the reason those two people can pick right up where they left off is because they don’t care. They have nothing invested in each other, they are not a part of each others lives so nothing matters. It’s a nonchalant relationship. I don’t want that with you.
No, I certainly never expected we would talk every day or see each other all the time, sitting around braiding each others hair. You know that’s not what I ever expected. I wanted to be a part of your life and for you to be a part of mine.
But it’s time to stop pretending that you ever had any intention of making things right with me. Time to stop pretending that unless we ran into each other by accident (unlikely), that I was ever going to see you again.
We were supposed to be best friends forever. But that’s ashes now. I am not your best friend and you are not mine. Best friends don’t dismiss each other the way you have dismissed me. But congrats. You have the distinction of being my last best friend. I won’t have another. I’m sure I’ll have friends, but the time for that kind of true best friend is over. I won’t invest that much of myself in another person again.
I told myself that for all the we were, for all that we’d done for each other, for all the good times, that I could be fine with just being your acquaintance. That I could still be here, in case you ever really needed me and if you just wanted to chit-chat, I could do that too.
But that’s a lie.
I don’t want to be your acquaintance, your vague friendship. To do so would be a disrespect to myself. To do that would hurt my soul. I’d rather just be a person you once knew.
I don’t hate you, I could never hate you, no matter how angry and hurt and sad and bitter this makes me. I will always love you for the good times and I wish you the best life possible. I hope you find everything you’re looking for and don’t come to regret your choices. I really mean that.
I have one last thing to say, before I end this message of hurt. And when I say this, I don’t say it out of meanness or spite. I say it out of sadness but it is how I really feel.
I wish with all my heart that you weren’t there on my most special day. Because when I think back and remember it, I should only ever feel joy and wonder at what I gained that day. But now it will forever be tinged with what’s been lost.
So goodbye now, and good luck. May God be with you and guide you.
Cause I’m done.
Done thinking about you, cause I still do, every day. Done being upset about you, done being hurt by you, done being angry at you. I’m done being bitter about you, though that’s going to be a hard one to let go of. Because I am all of those things. And I’m tired of it. I’m tired of the emotional low swing every time you pop into my head, every time something happens that I want to tell you about. I’m done letting thoughts of you pervade my mind.
I am evicting you from my head.
But in order to do that, I have some things I need to say. And no, I don’t need a response from you. In fact, I don’t want one. The time when your words would have meant something to me has long past. Your actions, (or in this case, lack of action), has spoken so loudly for you that anything you might have to say has lost its’ value. Too little, too late.
I am disappointed in you. I’m disappointed in the choices you’ve made, in the path you’ve chosen to get to where you want to go. And yet, I don’t judge you for it. Lord knows I’ve made bad decisions and taken the wrong road. I’m in no place to point fingers. But maybe I thought too highly of you, because I never would have thought you would have done things the way you did. And I’ve realized, you’re not the person I thought you were.
And yet still I loved you. Of course I did. I would have been, and wanted to be, there for you. Because that’s what best friends do right? Be there for each other always, even when we might not agree with what the other is doing. Kindred souls don’t abandon each other.
But we’re not best friends are we? Because how could you drop a best friend the way you did? How could you just let go, like it didn’t even matter? Like I didn’t even matter.
You made me feel worthless and that our friendship was worthless. That I meant nothing to you, that my son meant nothing to you. You were supposed to be his godmother for goodness sakes! He was supposed to know you and love you as family. Right now he wouldn’t even recognize your face. I can’t express just how sad that makes me so I am not going to try. Just know that my heart hurts over this, not just for me, but for him.
We did this dance one before. For various bullshit reasons we both let ourselves wall away from each other and it was me, lashing out in hurt that broke open the door and allowed the words to start flowing again that let us repair the bonds of our friendship that we had let fray. We swore we wouldn’t let it happen again. That we’d always talk, always be there for each other. Never let too much time go by without connecting.
And I tried. You can’t say I didn’t. But you dropped me like I was a bad habit you were just so ready to be done with. Like you made the decision that I was part of your past but was not going to be part of your future and then didn’t even have the balls to tell me.
This isn’t on me. This is on you. What did you think? That’d I’d always just be waiting, like a happy puppy, for my friend to remember that I exist? To grace me with her presence? You made it quite clear in the last message I had from you that you didn’t have time for me in your life. Like I was asking for the world. That was like saying how dare I bother you with my friendship and care and how dare I ask for your friendship and care in return. Did you think I have no self esteem or respect for myself that I would just keep hanging on after you shit all over every attempt I made to maintain our friendship? Obviously we have very different definitions of what ‘best friend’ means. You know those memes that say something like, “A best friend is one who you can not talk to for years and then when you do it’s like you just pick up right where you left off,” or some crap like that? No. That is not best friends. That is vague acquaintances and the reason those two people can pick right up where they left off is because they don’t care. They have nothing invested in each other, they are not a part of each others lives so nothing matters. It’s a nonchalant relationship. I don’t want that with you.
No, I certainly never expected we would talk every day or see each other all the time, sitting around braiding each others hair. You know that’s not what I ever expected. I wanted to be a part of your life and for you to be a part of mine.
But it’s time to stop pretending that you ever had any intention of making things right with me. Time to stop pretending that unless we ran into each other by accident (unlikely), that I was ever going to see you again.
We were supposed to be best friends forever. But that’s ashes now. I am not your best friend and you are not mine. Best friends don’t dismiss each other the way you have dismissed me. But congrats. You have the distinction of being my last best friend. I won’t have another. I’m sure I’ll have friends, but the time for that kind of true best friend is over. I won’t invest that much of myself in another person again.
I told myself that for all the we were, for all that we’d done for each other, for all the good times, that I could be fine with just being your acquaintance. That I could still be here, in case you ever really needed me and if you just wanted to chit-chat, I could do that too.
But that’s a lie.
I don’t want to be your acquaintance, your vague friendship. To do so would be a disrespect to myself. To do that would hurt my soul. I’d rather just be a person you once knew.
I don’t hate you, I could never hate you, no matter how angry and hurt and sad and bitter this makes me. I will always love you for the good times and I wish you the best life possible. I hope you find everything you’re looking for and don’t come to regret your choices. I really mean that.
I have one last thing to say, before I end this message of hurt. And when I say this, I don’t say it out of meanness or spite. I say it out of sadness but it is how I really feel.
I wish with all my heart that you weren’t there on my most special day. Because when I think back and remember it, I should only ever feel joy and wonder at what I gained that day. But now it will forever be tinged with what’s been lost.
So goodbye now, and good luck. May God be with you and guide you.